• 9 years ago
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    Alright so I'm bored and decided watching this was the best way to deal with it. Already, at the 3min 30sec mark, the movie has a) Established that the events of the first movie basically meant fuck all and b) Has already ran somebody over with a truck. This is going to be special I just know it.
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    • Husky Wing
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      Husky Wing
      Editing … You a masochist? :p
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    • Ryan Thorp
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      Ryan Thorp
      Editing … I'd say I have a horrible curiosity. Also at the 11min mark Paul Blart shows off just how much of an egotistical ass hat he is. And at the 16min 44 sec mark the movie has made a weak reference to Breaking Bad with a character whose name is Saul Gunderman (or how ever they spell it). Also I might continue to point stupid things in this way, so welcome to what will be notification hell.
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    • Husky Wing
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      Husky Wing
      Editing … I enjoy your company :3
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    • Ryan Thorp
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      Ryan Thorp
      Editing … AT the 26 mark I feel I can already what is going to happen. We've already been introduced to the egotistical douche canoe - the head of security - who is destined to fail at his job so Paul Blart can save the day. They have also established the equipment that will most likely be used in the finale sequence, in the form of a Police convention or some shit. Man if I'm right it's kinda of scary just how of a science there is to movies like this.
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    • Ryan Thorp
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      Ryan Thorp
      Editing … At the 30min mark I've come to realize that there is still an 1hr 30min left, making me regret this decision already. Also Paul Blart is kinda of an insensitive asshole towards his daughter, a plot point I imagine is remedied in the final moments as well.
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    • Ryan Thorp
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      Ryan Thorp
      Editing … At the 34min mark Paul Blart basically says women cannot say no to unwanted male advances, because after all they're simple minded creatures who just don't know any better.
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    • Ryan Thorp
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      Ryan Thorp
      Editing … At the 39min mark Paul Blart gets dropped kicked by a bird that has no place being in Nevada - nonetheless a hotel - as some random guy plays the piano and does nothing to help. I feel like I've wandered into a bad episode of the Twilight Zone. Also, as a side not, the editing in this sequence is seizure inducing.
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    • Ryan Thorp
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      Ryan Thorp
      Editing … At the 44min mark the movie attempts a lazy bit of symbolism. Also on the subject of lazy, the movies attempts at creating sentiment are pretty damn awful and incredibly manipulative.
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    • Ryan Thorp
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      Ryan Thorp
      Editing … At the 50min mark Paul Blart gut punches an old lady because comedy.
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    • Ryan Thorp
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      Ryan Thorp
      Editing … At the 56 min mark Paul Blart is being chased by a guy who wants to kill who - who, by the way, is trying to be sneaky yet shoots his gun in the middle of a hotel - silenced or not it doesn't make much sense. Blarts plan to dispose of him is to hide in a bulletproof suitcase (which makes no fucking sense in it of it self) - that somehow his fat ass can fit into - and tumble down a staircase to knock him out. This movie is about to jump the shark I just know it. Also not only does his plan sort of not work he flies out of a hotel - still in the suitcase - into a pool of water, and somehow gets out of the suitcase before drowning - ok movie.
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    • Ryan Thorp
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      Ryan Thorp
      Editing … At the 1hr mark I've realized the movie isn't as long as I thought it was, giving me great relieve. Also something incredibly stupid is about to happen so I'll be back
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    • Ryan Thorp
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      Ryan Thorp
      Editing … Okay so it wasn't as stupid as I hoped it would of been. But I did just realize something, there is a character who I've seen now twice asleep during the action and he is a great representation of the audience right about now.
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    • Ryan Thorp
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      Ryan Thorp
      Editing … At the 1hr 17min mark the movie has now became the fucking opening sequence of Gangs of New York - despite the fact that the bad guys have FUCKING GUNS.
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    • Ryan Thorp
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      Ryan Thorp
      Editing … Now, at the 1hr 29min mark, I can that it's all finally over, and never has the work of Linkin Park ever been more appropriate to describe my feelings. This was ungodly bad, and not even in a fun "I cannot believe they did that" way. This is more of the "Oh god when will it be over" type of bad, just so fucking boring and stupid. It didn't even achieve the stupid minor goals that I thought it would, it shot lower then that. Now if you will excuse me I'm going to have a well deserved cry.
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      Editing … (≡ˆ⊝ω⊝ˆ≡ )
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