Where it all began...

I've recently been checking some of the threads on the site, just for old time's sake. It gave me some legitimate laugh-out-loud moments, especially alot of posts from @nodley, @Aramonde, @Klem Oib and @Bob GutSmasha. Reminded me of some really great discussions, where it could easily go from an extremely serious debate to an outright joke fest in like 3 posts. It's kind of why I love unikGamer so much, it's the only community i've ever been a part of in which this actually worked flawlessly: we were all very pasisonate. We'd talk shit about anything, and no one got mad at anyone. We'd throw jokes all around, and everyone came in and threw some of their own. It was such good fun!

Looking back at my posts, though...it left me feeling a bit cold. I chuckled at alot of what I posted, but some of it was just...ugh. I was such a dumbass. I was downright annoying at some points, I cannot believe some of the shit I put you guys through. I can only imagine what you thought of me as a person. I like to think that i've grown alot since unikGamer:

. I used to believe art could be judged objectively - now I know better.
. I used to swear alot, and CAPPITALIZE EVERY SINGLE GOD DAMN WORD - now I write better.
. I used to ramble alot meaninglessly - I don't think I do that anymore.
. I used to take discussions personally, which led to literally offending you guys - I seriously hope I got better at this...

I remember some really great discussions though: many times i'd argue with @nodley and Vlado about OOT and FFVII. At the beginning I was mostly a dick, but after awhile it actually evolved into mostly healthy debates with some snarky retorts here and there. The infamous "dogshit > OOT" was born during these discussions, along with many great quotes. I still stand by many things I said, like OOT had a legitimate impact in 3D gaming and was the standard for action adventure at the time. My arguments for defending were rather poor though, and when confronted with a counter i'd usually go back and present the same argument for some reason. I guess most of it happened because we're 3 passionate individuals, and stand by our own opinions strongly which we all can relate to. The important thing is that in the end we could call it a day, and be good and ready for the next day.

There were also some movie and music discussion, but not nearly as much as games for obvious reasons. I remember when I called "No Country for Old Men" a boring piece of shit, without realizing the implications of such statement. A very good reply from @Michael Z completely blew me away, it didn't change my overall opinion of the movie but it showed me that film (and art in general) can be seen from so many different perspectives. I feel like it was the starting point of me accepting that art is subjective, and that the varying opinions and discussions they create is one of the many beauties or art.

Good times...and then there were the bad times...

The times where I acted like a complete idiot. In my 50 Greatest Songs thread, where I made my very own top 50 songs of all time, @Magwaza came right out and said "Bullshit! That's all I have to say." and proceeded to explain why the mere thought of such a list is stupid. I looked back, and actually sided with him! I literally said out loud, alone in my room "Yes! He's right!". By page 5 I came in and made, quite possibly, the worst counters in the history of this wonderful community. Seriously, i'm not even gonna mention them right now...they make me wish I could go back in time, to slap myself in the face for being so disrespectful and just so fucking stupid. Seriously, dude...if you're reading this i'm sorry.

I don't even want to know what went through @Bob GutSmasha and @Doubleagent Louis's heads everytime i'd argue about FFX and FFXIII with them. They're probably like "who cares?" at this point, but I got to admit that it still gets to me everytime. It's like me trying to fight with everyone at the same time, I almost forgot how tough it can be to be alone on something. Even if it's as insignificant as not liking a game, arguing with everyone screaming "you're wrong" was stressing to say the least. I still stand by many things I said back then, but what really irks me to this day is when one would say "my opinion is backed with logic, yours is not.". I find it very offensive, because isn't a logical argument still a very subjective thing? Whether a mechanic is good or not, or is contradicting to something else? I felt that I was the only one with the "burden of proof", and whenever I explained where I was coming from I was immediately shot down. My behaviour aside, I don't think it was always fair.

And then there were those two discussions I had with @Bob GutSmasha, @richardpale and Ninnersfan, and those "broke" me. I can't find or remember the first one, but the second one was in the Heavy Rain thread and we were discussing if it could be really considered a game. I thought it couldn't, and to this day I still think David Cage's work are the bare minimum of what can be called a video game. I'd call them visual novels, kind of like Phoenix Wright or The Walking Dead, the only reason why they're in the video game category is because they have some form of interaction. Anyway, the discussion didn't went too far into ugly territory but it did end up with me saying "Ok you're right, i'm sorry...I quit." The first one ended in a similar fashion. These two affected me quite a bit, it was during a tough time of my life and I just couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't stand the fact that absolutely no one was agreeing with me, or even trying to understand what I said. So I made the decision of not prolonging it, and left the site for a month...

Made me feel like shit. Deep down I always knew no one at unikGamer made the discussions personal, but I couldn't help thinking this way. I'm fucked up, and I don't believe that changed. What I believe has changed is how bitchy I was, and how incapable of understanding other points of view. And I have the community to thank for that.

unikGamer has taught me an important lesson: it's not about agreeing or disagreeing, it's about talking. It's not about persuading or convincing, it's about expressing yourself. It's about sharing and accepting. It's not about hatred, or about proving others wrong. I don't know why I haven't realized this sooner. It does feel good to know I finally made that step, and now I think i'm a better and more tolerable person for it.

So sorry guys, if I mentioned you in a ridiculously long and whiny post, but I felt like taking all this off my chest. None of this would happen if I haven't decided to go back to unikGamer for a day, just to remember how it was back then. And I have to thank @Pape Badiane, of course, for creating the location where this community came to be. I am not lying when I say that unikGamer, and now Favslist, are the 2 places I had the most fun on the internet. It was 4 years ago, and it feels like yesterday. I'm glad I did it.