Oh yeah, I was suppose to be going through all the stupid prequel shit wasn't I? Didn't take to long into this that I remembered why I stopped those long six months ago. Attack of the Clones for me is easily the worst out of the bunch for a multitude of reasons. The main one is rather simple really, it's just an incredibly flat experience. Yes it isn't as inconsequential as episode one - seriously, in retrospect Episode I really adds nothing to the overall story arc of Lucas's saga (see Machete Order) - doesn't have bad child acting, nor really is it as boring. Just none of it, for me, resonated at all - I take nothing away from the movie at all. It just kind of goes through its motions rather effortlessly. Oh here's them chasing down that bounty hunter, oh here's Kenobi going to that one planet that rains all the fucking time, oh here's Anakin & Padme frolicking on the set of where Little House on the Prairie shot its intro sequence, oh here's some jedi entering a Roman colosseum SWAT style, oh here's Yoda & Dooku having the most ridiculously impractical sword fight I've ever seen. It's just ... whatever. Yes, the movie is sorta tolerable when it's just a CGI/action fuckfest. But dear god when it isn't it is incredibly unbearable - which leads to my second complaint. Dear god is the dialogue fucking atrocious in this. I criticized the first for the very same thing, but god does it feel so much worse here. The people still deliver it without any conviction, and this time it isn't just about boring Galactic Republic CSPAN shit. Interlaced in this is my third complaint. Holy fucking Christ the romance tale is fucking awful, just god fucking dammit all to hell. I'll stomach most of the dead inside delivery of boring bullshit politics that I don't care about, but when I get the dead inside delivery of the incredibly cliche - "who gives a shit" - romance dialogue I believe my threshold of "how much I can take" is broken beyond all repair. There is absolutely no chemistry between these two people, at all. They run through the check list of the type of stupid shit bad rom-com characters say - "oh ur a this & i'm a that, this can't work lel", "i can't let u giv up ur life for me lel" " oh nvm i luv u lel " bunch of fucking nonsense and a waste of my damn time - and do not connect in any meaning full way that will make me give any fucks. But most importantly this leads to my last complaint that I will go into. HOLLY FUCKING SHIT HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN IS THE FUCKING WORSE THING EVER. Dear god can this guy act at all? Like seriously I'm genuinely asking here. The dudes fucking awful, I can't take anything the fucker says seriously. The dude attempts at wit makes him look like the type of smug asshole "dude bro" who drinks bud light and tries to go to college parties at the ripe age of 36, the dude attempts at anger makes him look like the crying child whose mom didn't buy him a toy when they went to Walmart - he some how performs melodrama & snark with monotone. How am I suppose to take anything this fucker does/says seriously? And to top it off the dude gets to deliver some of the movies cringiest dialogue cause of the shit romance he has to be apart of - absolutely wonderful, thanks Georgey. Again though - like with Episode I - I'm not saying "OMG WORST MOVIE EVER". Though what I am saying is Yes I don't like it and Yes I think it's pretty bad. I'm incredibly bored by it and I get no enjoyment out of it. I don't fucking like at all is what I'm getting at. Like I really don't like it. At all. At. All.