• 5 years ago
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    I finished showing the full series to a friend, including the two TV shows I hadn't seen, and the latest film in the series.

    Planet of the Apes was better than I remembered.
    Beneath-Battle were about how I remembered, gradually descending in quality.

    Planet of the Apes TV show was great.
    Return to the Planet of the Apes cartoon was awful.

    Tim Burton's Planet of the Apes was already pretty bad, yet here it was, worse still than I remembered.
    idk maybe it was the same. god it's so tedious

    Rise of the Planet of the Apes, which I remembered being excellent... was... kind of a mess, honestly.
    Dawn of the Planet of the Apes was a bit better than I remembered, as I found that it could also be seen as a decently trashy post-apocalyptic flick. The writing's awful, the dialogue and characters are the worst yet, but it's got a great imaginative setting for a video game? This should've been an open world action game with a human and an ape campaign. As a movie, it's pretty horribly executed.

    War for the Planet of the Apes was way worse than I expected. The dialogue and scenarios are so fucking contrived, the exposition's so awkward, I think this one's actually the worst of any of the films. Every single line's a goddamn affectation. Every single beat was so predictable that War didn't have even one insignificant surprise up its sleeve. Every single payoff can be easily predicted the moment even one factor is introduced.
    Overall, easily the worst-written film of the series. Exceedingly stupid and frustratingly cringey. And god, so, so contrived. Maybe less boring than Burton's? It's absolutely the worst of the new trilogy, by a huge margin. It's actually an exemplary example of a shitty blockbuster movie.
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    • free fall
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      free fall
      Editing … Beneath to me is by far the worst one, Escape and Conquest were definitely much better.
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    • Sandvich
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      Sandvich
      Editing … He watched it! He finally watched the overrated dreck that is War for the Planet of the Apes! Don't go hatin' on Rise though. That movie's a treasure.
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    • Sandvich
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      Sandvich
      Editing … During the opening Crawl of War where they explain the backstory and highlight RISE, DAWN, and WAR I could only think of you ranting about Matt Reeves treating the audience like morons.
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    • Sandvich
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      Sandvich
      Editing … Humans in War have worse vision than fucking Genome Soldiers.
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    • MrZAP
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      MrZAP
      Editing … Am I the only person who thinks the reboot movies gradually increase in quality from pretty decent to great?
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    • MrZAP
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      MrZAP
      Editing … I agree with you about the gradual descent in quality for the originals, though. The first is the best, but I like Beneath and Escape pretty well also. Conquest is okay, and I barely remember Battle.
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    • Husky Wing
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      Husky Wing
      Editing … Escape was a pretty hilarious comedy as well.
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    • Husky Wing
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      Husky Wing
      Editing … The Apes had dumbfuck vision as well, they couldn't pick up on basic visual cues that I'd otherwise assume were left there just for them to spot. Also I don't dislike Rise, I think it's the only good film in this trilogy, but I don't think I could rate it higher than a 7 now tbh.
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    • Sandvich
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      Sandvich
      Editing … My love of Caesar's character in Rise is the only thing that got me through those sequels, but he barely felt like the same person by War. And Zap, based on scores from critics, most think they improved dramatically with each entry, and based on audience polls most people think they marginally improved. Husky and I just happen to have the galaxy brains needed to see the truth.
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    • Husky Wing
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      Husky Wing
      Editing … It's cuz Matt Reeves panders to his viewers and babybrain dipshits (except Zap who I'm sure is just an outlier) like being pandered to. Especially film critics.
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    • MrZAP
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      MrZAP
      Editing … Honestly I think my main issue is that, especially when it comes to story and pacing, my tastes are pretty much the same as the average cinephile film critic.
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    • Husky Wing
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      Husky Wing
      Editing … My general impression of film critics is that they care less about films, and more about industry access. I read through reviews and find that almost no one even knows what they liked or disliked about a film, only speaking in vagueries, and it just comes off like they don't really care.
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    • Explojin
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      Explojin
      Editing … I've still gotta see War and the TV show. I'd agree with pretty much the rankings you gave. Originals get progressively worse but Escape was a serviceable comedy just not really a great PoTA storyline. Burton's was terrible and hardly made sense. I was unimpressed by the first two reboots but they were fine.
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    • Husky Wing
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      Husky Wing
      Editing … Dawn sure did make me wanna play it as an open world action game. War... eh, I don't think it has many redeeming qualities. Watch that TV show, that one's quality. Great cast, fun stories.
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    • Husky Wing
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      Husky Wing
      Editing … If War did anything better than Dawn, it was having more compelling characters. Dawn's compelling character count: 1, Koba. War's: 2 for me, Bad Ape (funny guy, liked him) and the Colonel. Caesar was not an enjoyable character in these two, and god was his dialogue some of the worst.
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    • MrZAP
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      MrZAP
      Editing … I've never seen the Burton film and have no desire to. I would like to get to the show at some point though. I need to rewatch the originals too as its been years.
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    • Husky Wing
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      Husky Wing
      Editing … I DUNNO MAN, IF YOU LIKED WAR...
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    • Sandvich
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      Sandvich
      Editing … What is it good for? Absolutely nothing. Seriously, it's so boring it's not even a good hate-watch.
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    • Sandvich
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      Sandvich
      Editing … I find it funny how the greatest display of tactics you see on either side in the two sequels are the chimps hunting a bunch of fucking deer.
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    • Husky Wing
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      Husky Wing
      Editing … Under Disney, it's confirmed that Fox will be making more Planet of the Apes (and Alien) films. Wonder what that'll be like.
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    • Sandvich
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      Sandvich
      Editing … The world is a vampire.
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    • Husky Wing
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      Husky Wing
      Editing … I really hope Kingdom Hearts bases its World of the Apes on the original films
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    • Husky Wing
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      Husky Wing
      Editing … I hope the next Kingdom Hearts protagonist has #Cornelius as one of the two primary sidekicks.
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    • Sandvich
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      Sandvich
      Editing … I hope it has Little Mermaid style QTE's while the characters sing "Dr. Zaius, Dr. Zaius."
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    • Husky Wing
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      Husky Wing
      Editing … I get that refWHY DON'T I GET NOTIFICATIONS FOR SANDYPOSTS ON MY THREADS
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    • Husky Wing
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      Husky Wing
      Editing … well, Disney does own The Simpsons now, so...
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    • free fall
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      free fall
      Editing … Muppet Planet of the Apes obviously
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