• 6 years ago
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    The new trilogy continues to be a dumpster fire

    Fuck jj Abrams
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    • Aramonde
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      Aramonde
      Editing … Im happy there's at least one person who agrees with me about the new trilogy.
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    • Sandvich
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      Sandvich
      Editing … I miss the days when he stuck to setting up and ruining his own properties.
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    • Sandvich
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      Sandvich
      Editing … Seriously, even by the standards of mediocre directors he's mediocre. Justin Lin's movies are totally derivative but even he managed to make a more interesting Star Trek movie than Abrams.
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    • Sandvich
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      Sandvich
      Editing … You know what? Michael Bay has one of the most putrid filmographies ever, yet I'd rather rewatch the Rock than any of JJ's films (the best probably being MI3).
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    • Husky Wing
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      Husky Wing
      Editing … Woah, I didn't know Abrams had such a haterbase. Pls elaborate, I'm interested. It seems as if you guys view Abrams the same way I view Matt Reeves.
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    • Sandvich
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      Sandvich
      Editing … Have you seen War for the Planet of the Apes yet? If not, you're going to go nuclear.
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    • Husky Wing
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      Husky Wing
      Editing … Go nuclear as in "fuck yes, he finally nailed one" or nuclear as in... oh boy, it's his worst work yet? If I haven't given it away already, War is the only one I haven't seen yet, but I will, because I'm a fan of the series, and I also want to see if Matt Reeves will ever win me over. I mean, his films are so critically acclaimed, so he must have the ability to get it right sometime... right? But given just how dumb as shit his previous films have been...
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    • Husky Wing
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      Husky Wing
      Editing … Okay "go nuclear" is probably never used in a positive manner, is it? I just googled it with Bing and the first result was to become "enraged," so so much for that optimism :p
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    • Sandvich
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      Sandvich
      Editing … Okay, here's my mega-spiel: Abrams originally rustled my jimmies with his television work. Alias was my favorite show in my early teens, and after the first two seasons, boy was it painful to suffer through one half-assed payoff and preposterous contrivance after another. Then there was Lost, which I think has had its shortcomings sufficiently documented by many before me.
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    • Sandvich
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      Sandvich
      Editing … He can make compelling set-ups but totally bungles the payoffs. Hell, with Episode IX he's gets to control the conclusion to the threads he set up in TFA like Rey's lineage, Snoke's identity etc. and I guarantee he's STILL going to fuck it up. He can't be bothered to do the legwork to truly flesh out his universe into a cohesive whole. Planetary shields have been a staple of Star Wars from the beginning. They're a very relevant plot device, yet JJ decides you can just hyperspace your way through them! Boy, I bet the rebels who went to the trouble of stealing an Imperial ship for the Endor infiltration feel pretty stupid right about now. In Star Trek (2009) you can transport a person across interstellar distances onto a starship traveling faster than light, only for the Federation to somehow cover up that technology in the sequel, even though all you need is a damn equation. Need something to happen in your plot? Contrive up some stupid magic bullshit solution now, and contrive away all the consequences later.
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    • Sandvich
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      Sandvich
      Editing … "Hey JJ, how is it that everyone on Takodana can see the Republic planets being destroyed by the shots from Starkiller Base? Are you telling me they're in the same system?" "Nah, see it's a wibbly wobbly timey whimey beam that breaks the space time continuum so everyone can see it from light years away." "Wait, what narrative purpose does that even serve?" "None." "That's kinda stupid JJ." "Yeah, but it looks cool, don't it?"
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    • Sandvich
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      Sandvich
      Editing … A lot of his work also suffers due to his longstanding partnership with screenwriters Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman, two of the biggest hacks in the business to have ever achieved great wealth and fame. I only learned yesterday from Honest Trailers that Kurtzman is the guy who directed this year's the Mummy. IT BLEW CHUNKS?! WHAT A SHOCK!!!
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    • Sandvich
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      Sandvich
      Editing … Overall I honestly don't have the same raging hate boner for Abrams that Gries does. Most of his movies are flawed, but watchable, but that's all they ever are, never rising above “fine.” The last thing I ever wanted for Star Wars was for it to become forgettable. Like I said before, I would have much less issue with Abrams if he didn't keep getting handed the reigns to the biggest franchises ever and just went back to putting out his own bland creations. Every time one of these bowls of cold porridge get squirted out it hampers the future opportunities for more inspired, creative people to get the franchise back on track. I don't much care for Johnson or Trevorrow's filmographies either, but I would prefer just about anyone other than JJ in the driver's seat, because I've seen what he can do, both in general and with Star Wars. I didn't think Rogue One was amazing either, but it at least felt like a little more of a fresh take.
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    • Husky Wing
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      Husky Wing
      Editing … Holy hell these Kurtzman and Orci fellas have some shitty filmographies
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    • Sandvich
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      Sandvich
      Editing … Their script for Star Trek (2009) can be easily found online. The stage directions are hilariously riddled with gratuitous profanity. A few excerpts "And he STOPS. They all do. A fucking FACE is now on their VIEWSCREEN. A ROMULAN FACE" " MOVE FAST around Winona, in fucking labor now -- being transferred onto a wheelchair by the Doctor and Nurse" "No he DIN'T! Kirk's hit guys for a lot less -- The crowd all but "OOOOOOHs." But Kirk ain't fucking done yet."
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    • Splatterhouse 5
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      Splatterhouse 5
      Editing … I read about it this morning, and I knew that I'd later jump onto the net to hear a collective "FUCK!"
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    • Husky Wing
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      Husky Wing
      Editing … wat, omg, that sounds brilliant these guys must be 10/10
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    • Sandvich
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      Sandvich
      Editing … Script mixes up the words "eviscerate" and "incinerate." 15 FUCKING FACES out of 10!
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    • Husky Wing
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      Husky Wing
      Editing … WHAT HOW OMIGOD I CAN'T BELIEVE IT
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